I still Blame McCain - As I should

Note About This Post: I appologize for the confusion but this post was removed from a different blog since I had violated the blog rules. I am posting it here so that it can be said, and I have no hard feelings over the shift. I violated the rules. They didn't .. JC

I read the Going Rogue quickly the first week it was out. I wanted to see what was up with all of the hate that had been cast upon it, and found it to be rather innocuous. I mean it was interesting enough, and I had gone on record stating that most normal people would read the book and wish that she were their daughter, but aside from that there really wasn’t anything special in it. I mean I should probably explain that statement because there wasn’t anything special in it because her political and social beliefs weren’t any different than my own, and what little she actually said about the people she supposedly back stabbed or whatnot were already pretty obvious to me as well. Sorry to break it to any of the people trying to indoctrinate me, but the book itself was simply a reaffirmation to people and scenarios that my own common sense had weeded out on its own. Throw in some interesting facts about her upbringing and accomplishments, and it was just a good book, as opposed to a historic policy doctrine like Limbaugh would have you believe.

The sadistic part of the whole scenario as a whole was when I listened to the audiobook last week, and started getting a bit angry. Well actually I was starting to get really angry, in all honesty as I knew on the second go around that like in most cases, while fed to me from the mainstream media, this was a perfect example of lies and hate, not so much directed at Sarah Palin, but as usual at people like me. Unfortunately there were a few other things that I had caught onto on the second go around. I don’t think anyone who didn’t read the book, and quite a few that probably read the book, noticed that Sarah Palin was one of the few true believers in John McCain. I started getting a bit angry about the way she was cast off by the McCain camp, and like it or not, McCain himself. Sadly so, she never got around to blaming the person who really deserved the outing that others got in her book.

Well this is where I come in as I have never and will never drink at the trough of McCain Kool Aid. I’m happy for all the people running around like mind numb lunatics these days explaining how John McCain is one of us again. Lord knows at his age it’s about time he grew up, despite the outright impossibility of this. We all have had a 14 year old dog that we taught to chase its tail or fetch a ball, who had never done either before, right? This McCain monstrosity was perpetrated on us all, and now as Sarah Palin {who has shoulders like a bull elephant, when it comes to carrying bullshit heaped upon her} gets to carry all of the media hateraid, not just on behalf of the Liberal media, but the McCain media as well. The glaring example is her desperate attempt to explain away that handler that had gotten her involved in the whole Katie Couric fiasco as a misunderstanding as to why the McCain campaign would even have her involved?

The one thing Sarah Palin doesn’t get into and hasn’t to date {call it class call it naiveté} is that John McCain inevitable need to be drunk with his adoration by the mainstream media. She also never once explained the way that the McCain campaign NEVER had a chance. She would explain what she liked about him, and his campaign, and the ups and downs, and never once mired in the muck that was the John McCain campaign before and after her arrival. They like to heap the blame on her, but that is typical John McCain and not just typical of the campaign itself. To be honest with you, when I walked into my primary polling place here in New Hampshire where I again got to participate in that “First in the Nation” farce that NH perpetrates on the country every year I had a hard time deciding which pathetic loser candidate to vote for almost 2 years ago. McCain was the guaranteed no, followed by Romney, and that left me with several people who couldn’t run a campaign with their heads up their rears and Huckabee. Yeah I admit McCain and Romney were so bad that I held my nose and punched in Huckabee.

The secret here was that I knew the primary was in the bag for McCain ahead of time. How did I know this you may ask? Well in NH anybody can vote for anybody. You walk into your polling place, declare your party, and take a ballot. NH hardcore Democrats always walk in, proclaim Republican and then pick the weakest candidate, and pray it carries over to the rest of the primaries. McCain was the glaringly obvious of the weak candidates. Everyone knew that his name on the ballot would immediately eliminate 20% of the registered Republicans in the general, and the media had already invested enough to carry him to that primary victory he needed to torpedo the whole party. The amusing thing here is that if you think Obama runs the country badly, his campaign benefited immeasurably from a perfect disaster of a candidate running against him. If I had been running the Obama campaign I could have run McCain so far into the ground he would have had Perot like numbers. The Obama campaign simply coasted along on rock star status and that was all it needed.

I would have really pounded the Keating 5 at him myself. Could you picture the ad campaign with the little old woman, looks just like your grandmother, “That John Keating stole all my money, and John McCain helped him!,” she could do something to add to the depression factor, and then turn with watery eyes to the camera, “Then he went all 'maverick' and stole my right to talk about it with campaign finance reform,” again she could open a can of cat food or something and then end it off with, “Please don't let John McCain take what I have left,” and he would be FINISHED. It sounds mean, but even through the eyes of a Republican it is completely fair. He didn't even have to face anything like that. No, he simply let his only two completely right wing issues that were totally unpopular, either at the moment or in politics in general set his stage. His seemingly endless pro war plank and his unwavering pro life plank. Both of these things I happen to agree with, but that was no help because I had my eyes open when it comes to John McCain so he in general I didn't agree with. After I had convinced the elderly to either stay home or vote against McCain I would have battered him with both of those things, and Sarah Palin who was being set up as the fall gal for the McCain campaign was still believing in him.

These scenarios were the least of his issues, as I had said before, he was so in bed with the media that he would let them personally destroy his campaign from within. Years of selling out his own party so that he could get extra face time or the crew at MSNBC saying nice things about him, was nearly funny to watch as his own megalomania convinced him that they really did like him. The many thousands of people he had knocked over on his way to the nearest camera, weren't about to charge to his rescue either. Sure he had the Lindsey Grahams and Joe Leiberman's throwing down for him, but he had moments of sharing the spotlight with them along the way. Why should a Rush Limbaugh, or a Glenn Beck support McCain when he had made them into one stump speech after another to explain what was wrong with his party? Lap monkeys like Sean Vanity would be sucking up to him the second they needed a guest anyway, so he didn't have to give him any respect. His friends at MSNBC and CNN adored him for this and now he was living the brutal reality of what they had tried to tell him for years. They were using him as a “useful idiot” and in the end he was no more than a “used idiot.” You can't buy this type of loyalty outside of Hollywood and John McCain and the people that get their news from People magazine were the only people to fall for it. Well unfortunately Sarah Palin did too for a while.

Now comes the REAL rotten stuff that can spill out of my mouth sometimes, as I start on the glaring flaws. One of the few people that didn't realize McCain couldn't win {that being McCain} was simply doing God knows what. Palin had very accurately outlined this in her book, and forced me to say “forget about politics, I'm buying canned vegetables” because I saw his entire campaign committee start operation blame others. She also brought up EXACTLY what I was thinking, and the real John McCain started shining like YOUR house on fire. Every single issue that Sarah Palin was being torched for should have become front and center. If you can't win effect policy and change the next debate around! As a lifelong advocate for those with Downs Syndrome {12 years special Olympics service, three group homes I personally worked on, gym classes I teach for them now, I have credibility damnit!} it should have been an all out onslaught with his biggest sinking ship issue at the forefront. I credit McCain with the greatest answer ever given to the question “What would you do if your daughter came home wanting an abortion,” his brilliant off the cuff answer was “If my daughter came home saying she wanted to kill her grandmother I wouldn't talk to her about her feelings and then help her do it, I'd tell her that it is WRONG,” and heaven forbid he use that “political career killing issue” to change the “special needs” issue away from the left! No instead he let the other side control all of THAT debate and I think he just enjoyed having his VP nominee taking all pitchforks and torches. Anyone who reads Palin's book and doesn't completely relate to the “A child with Downs Syndrome has more love to give than the average child” has obviously never been around one. They could have pounded the walls of Utopia that the left lives in with contempt for ANYONE that would suggest a baby with Downs shouldn't be born, and they would have shifted the debate away from being a great MoveOnDotOrg joke. Bobby {a friend at the gym, thirty one years old, functional Downs} walks up to his mother at the gym and gives her big hugs and tells her that he loves her with the type of verve that you don't see in anyone past the age of 4, and his mother thinks she is the luckiest person in the world. DAMNIT SHE IS! Think about it?

The issue of political misogyny could have been highlighted like a torch against the looney left in this country, and changed the “women's issues” debate for a century, but did that get brought up? NO! From what I was looking at I saw a McCain campaign excited that Palin was treated like a bimbo, her husband treated like a gigolo, her daughter treated like a slut and McCain wasn't being treated like an ineffectual media whore dumped for the prettier girl at the prom! If the conservative movement hadn't taken to Sarah Palin with the type of vigor that they have I swear that meat head and the people he surrounded himself with could have set women against the Republican party for at least 50 years! This is a major reason why I am so grumpy about people treating McCain like the voice of the party again. There's more “I” in McCain than even Obama, and we all know that's saying something.

I really do worry, that despite the Tea Parties, and the 9/12 people and various other conservative to extreme right wing movements, that we are wasting our time trying only to stop the things we don't like happening. That idiot in the Whitehouse is our president because the American people elected him. In it's own sick way these socialisms that are being thrown down on us all are a wonderful way to keep everyone silent about the things we should have learned in that last presidential election. I spend a lot of my time trying to point out the things we ALSO need to work on so that we can get out from under the weight of BS perceptions that THEY labeled us with, and it's the conservatives, and the Republicans once again that are making me lose the will to fight these fights. Oh my blasphemy huh? I can't take all of the bumper sticker mentalities, and lack of real debate unless one of the cool kids told us we should talk about it, and as always I just like anyone else can feel swarmed under by the crap on both sides. I simply hope that everyone will forgive me when I work on the side agendas that really need to be worked on, because despite the fact that we have a bazillion things to stop, we still have a bazillion things to change ;8oD

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009 & Beyond The Crows Nest

All Politics are Local .. Dumbass - Volume 1

Politics gets more depressing every day as I feel my own voice slipping further and further away from the ears of anyone with the power to do anything in Washington DC. My views might not be popular amongst everyone but they appear to be the majority in all polls that are out there. According to the general sentiment I should be happy that I at least got 50% representation in the Congress because one of my Senator's vote for Healthcare Reform and on of them against it and according to state polling I am in a state that generally agrees with me that it is a bad thing. I say this for completely selfish as well as constitutional reasons as I have said before, because my healthcare plan becomes illegal in both the house and senate version of the bill. Everyone I work with is energized about that in general.

Now the Senator that voted against Healthcare Reform, Judd Gregg is a lame duck senator, since he isn't running for his seat again in 2010. I wonder if his vote against this bill will help put a Republican back in his seat which up until recently I thought was an impossibility, but state polling also shows that Republican's lead that field. The Senator that voted for Healthcare Reform, Jeanne Shaheen is under attack on two fronts right now, as the majority of the state hates it, and the minority that is for it appears unhappy that she didn't get a single goody for the state that many of her constituents did. I realize that politics has become one pork project after another, but if you are a true believer in something, why do you need a bribe? It would be amusing if it wasn't so sad.

The other thing that isn't amusing in all of this is the rancor from the Conservative “Movement” to which I think I am one. The turning on a dime that everyone does {on both sides} is beyond annoying. The flaming animosity that I saw from the Conservatives when McConnell basically gave up, is somewhat understandable, but I am looking at it as being reasonably unfair too. I'm pretty sure that if he had fought it out with daggers and crucifixes the best he would have done was made the vote in the wee hours of the morning again, thus ruining Christmas for a lot of people that should just be wrapping presents and filling their kids stockings, instead of staring at CSPAN and getting outraged. Of course that doesn't stop my side of the idle from spewing venom, and tearing apart all of the people that were fighting the good fight for the last month. I have been critical of those that spend a good portion of their time hating on senators that they don't get to vote for while their own who they do are probably far worse, and this is another example.

I want to see what these Senators do NOW. Most of them will have several weeks off, perhaps spent in their home state's to either rally support for, or against Healthcare Reform. I am hoping that both sides get out there, and anyone with a dog in the fight gets out there too. Those who don't see their Senators or Representatives at all, should probably take that as just as much of a sign as those banging the drum. This is a general problem in politics all together is that the majority of people with a dog in the fight have accepted the ignorance of their politicians every bit as much as they have ridiculed those that think differently. I would never assume that any person on this planet is going to think exactly as I do, but the fifty fifty split theory is inexcusable today, since it has proven to do more harm than good. If a politician is fifty percent against your ideals it usually just means that they have “common ground” with the other side, to beat you down with.

We saw a lot of this with the last administration. While he was out there finding great support from the opposition on such wonderful programs as, “amnesty for illegal aliens” and “prescription drugs for the elderly” he wasn't doing a damn thing about “energy independence” or “smaller government” which was kinda why I was on board. More to the point I felt that he was kinda happy when the democrats seized power in 2006 because he knew he had a base for the things the republicans wouldn't let him do, as opposed to the things the Democrats filibustered. Right now we have a bunch of lunatic liberals doing God knows whatever they want, but I didn't personally put anyone in place to take the blame on it all, and at the very least I can have some relief in that! In the end the Obama administration is simply getting “The Agenda” that John McCain would have gotten done in 4 or 5 years rammed to us in 1. Although I am sure that Healthcare Reform wouldn't have been the first thing on his plate, he is after all the king of placation, so it probably would have sooner or later. He would have probably started with getting all the illegal aliens their amnesty, reveled in the great stroking the media was giving him, and gone further with each wonderful news cycle.

I do thank John McCain for a few things though. He introduced the country to Sarah Palin, love her or hate her she changed a lot of this around. His people then used her as a door mat, and that made a lot of people more receptive to what they were dealing with in the John McCain style politicians out there. We're trumpeting his wonderful rancor these days, but I would love to see the people tell me that he would be like this if the people were more for socialization. Bipartisan is a wonderful little term that people float around when they want to appear “moderate” but let's get something strait here, politics is yes and no, and maybes are extremely expensive, as we are seeing now. Unfortunately as I had eluded to earlier the disadvantage of not being a Liberal Democrat, is that you fit into such a huge camp that nobody is ever happy. I tried to point this out with a Lyndon LaRouche commercial earlier today, which should have proven a point. By today's standards he looks like an enlightened genius, but we all still know he's a kook. By yesterday's standards I watched everyone turn on McConnell like he was a kook, and not one of them came from Kentucky.

Inevitably people have been pointing out that Conservatives and Republicans are two completely different things. Those people are correct, but I am seeing the one thing that they have in common right now, and that is the “2000 attaboys are negated by one awwshit” principal. In the end Mitch McConnell was never going to win the game. I'm just happy he tried so long, and don't any of you think he didn't know full well he was going to get hated on by conservatives right after a good long hate session from the liberals. I don't think he cared, and why should he? There wasn't enough time for him to get his 2000 attaboys before he was forced into an awwshit, so he might as well go home to Kentucky where his electorate is probably proud of what he tried. How many of you out of Kentucky are going to “actually” give hell to the Moonbat that you might not have voted for, but your neighbors must have?

I sight an interesting Op-Ed from a Liberal Newspaper in the slowly converting Liberal state of New Hampshire. You can read it here, but the important thing to note is that a paper that has never said much nice about our Republican Senator {Judd Gregg} and supported our Democrat Senator {Jeanne Shaheen} is now turning the tables. The common sense in this state right now is that not only is Healthcare Reform wrong, but our Democratic Senator didn't even bother to try to get the state any goodies, like all the other states did? I mean seriously Massachusetts made out like bandits, and they didn't even need any arm twisting. This lunatic went and smiled pretty while registering her yes vote for a state that has an almost 10 point margin AGAINST Healthcare Reform, and nobody needed to grease her wheel at all. This also happens to be a woman who's husband is a local small businessman who will catch complete and utter hell in the NH style politics in Dover NH if the people here can't get their hands on her. This is what you expect in a state that despite turning towards liberalism has the second largest government on the planet! You can't hide here, and since the days of the revolution NH was a pitchfork and torch legislative body. She can go home and hide in her mansion, but her husband has to go to work and the protestors started THERE. Are you one of them in your state?

We all know that in the end most of these politicians that we have now couldn't care in the least what we think. They are power hungry and drunk with all that Washington DC has to offer them. This all out assault on our liberties today is simply the gauntlet being thrown to the floor and if a lot of these senators and representatives go home afterward, then so be it. This new form of Liberalism that mimics socialism to a tee is not for the faint of heart. It is every bit as much of a religion as Christianity once was in this country, only with the mantra of being “for the people.” Vladamir Lenin was “for the people” or so he portrayed until it was too late. The worst of the Lenin idealism wasn't even truly imposed upon the people until he was dead, and a new regime under the leadership, or tyranny depending on how you look at these things, of Stalin came about. Most people in this country don't even remember the people that brought Stalin to you, prime time, and it was the glorious evolution of Hitler that probably took the worst of Stalin and made it appear like nothing in the annals of history. Our president and his cronies in Congress simply embody the starting point of what is yet to come, and I hate to break it to all of you, but it's too late already. Stop blaming McConnell and blame YOU, if you can't get up the energy to take it to the people that are doing this to you, primetime ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Newsvive {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown - Christmas Day

Another Christmas in the can, so to say, and the kids are merrily working on breaking all their new things as I am working on wrapping up this year's Christmas Countdown. It's a bit of a relief to not have to put a Christmas slant on everything I put in my blog from here on out to be honest with you. The possibility that I had over done it, is definitely there. The advantages are that I have found other places to post my writings anywhere which might be a bonus, for those that get sick of my hyper political rants, and less life affirming ones. Nothing to get too crazy about though because I am after all me, and nothing is going to change that.

My gifts this year included, slippers, a strange clock, models cars, a Blue Ray Disc player, food, a home made kazoo, money, and several gift cards. My kids gifts are too numerous to even get into, but in kid terms it was a damn good haul. We can all say what we want to, but this really is what Christmas is all about when you are under the age of say 30. I understand the significance of Christmas as a religious holiday and all, and I have even done more than my fair share to promote it as an American Holiday, but what it all comes down to is spending time with your family and having a good go of spoiling the kids. I hope that everyone reading this had those opportunities. If not, it should just give you goals for next year. All of my goals were met and that was a success in my eyes.

These goals weren't just limited to the holiday and the family either. I had set out some pretty lofty goals for my writing as well. I wanted to make sure that I made up for last year's Christmas Countdown debacle {Part 2 Part 3} which yeilded a great story but drove me out of my mind getting it out there, and hopefully regain what I use to be pretty good at. I think I did that. I may not have the sheer numbers of readers I once had, but I definitely have the quality. I faced the adversity of my computer completely dying on the first day of the wonderful three part finale {Part 2 Part 3} that I had written ahead of time for this year, and was still able to charge the whole thing out there. No small feat considering the way I write to even recapture the thoughts in my own stories. It beats sitting in 5 degrees with no electricity as I did last year, and I think the people around me were rather shocked that I could handle the loss of my best friend {My Computer} just days ago, and not really even let it phase me. As I pointed out, it could be worse and had been.

I think it's rather interesting that I was listening to Manheim Steamroller's Christmas on the radio, and the host brought up a rather well overplayed myth in America. More American's commit suicide this time of the year than any other time. Feel free to look it up on Snopes, but it's just another one of those things that gets thrown around to try and make people feel bad for enjoying their holidays. I can throw my own personal experience into this is a form of slant to prove it, which also came to my mind. This is officially my twenty fourth strait Christmas that I haven't had anything to drink. For someone like myself that is a modern miracle, and the simple math would put that back to when I was fifteen years old. Those that know me well, know that I just passed my twentieth year of continuous sobriety by the grace of God. If those numbers don't compute there is a good reason for it. I tried getting myself sober for years before I finally did it. I had been to rehab, I had been to crisis centers and other forms of programs to get sober and it had spotty periods of nearly working. Christmas was never one of the times where it looked “sketchy” because almost anyone can muster the courage to white knuckle their way through something that has the perception of being a good and valid reason for existence. It was always the innocuous days that had no personal meaning whatsoever that got me, and despite my favorite methods of slowly killing myself I appear to be “normal” in those respects.

I found out some other rather interesting things {and I know the person I am about to bring up is reading this so ..} which goes along the lines of those nasty politics and rhetoric that I get chastised for. It appears that my one relative that I can always count on to be my adversary in the political arena, find that the people he voted for are ruining his holidays in the exact same way, and for the exact same reasons that they are ruining mine. I was kind enough to not even bring up the fact that “elections have consequences” and was happy that I had given him Mark Levin's “Liberty and Tyranny” for Christmas. Leather bound and autographed to boot! There may be hope there, but it does go to prove a point that the most ardent haters out there won't acknowledge. The tides are changing and it has nothing to do with the people that are promoting the issues that this administration has. As my grandfather used to say, “You order shit, you eat shit” and there are a lot of people wondering why they have a plate full of shit and would like a refund. I couldn't change their mind before, but you know its getting pretty bad when a political adversary is telling you what you knew for a while. Scary part about it all was his awakening was at the same time as mine and started with a police action in Cambridge. These are the types of “small victories” that only seem to come out at the holidays as well. Now if I can just get through to more than one of the people that attack my choice of reading at the bookstore, I'll call it a year!

Now my overall goal for the weekend is simple. I have some people I need to reunite with, I have to pick up a few Blue Ray Discs, and I desperately need to get a coffee. The one thing I hate about “the big holidays” is that I am forced to drink the stuff that I make and turns out black, but doesn't resemble coffee in the least. Its a small price to pay I assume for the lessons I learn along the way even if “making coffee” isn't one of them .. From me and mine, to you and yours, Merry Christmas, and if that offends you, what the hell brought you here? ;8oD

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Newsvive {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown - Number 1

This is where it gets a bit sketchy for me as the days barreled along. When I was younger Christmas would never come, but every year Christmas sneaks up on me more often as I get older. TAFAKK was finding himself more and more bogged down with the company shrink at Macy's who never could seem to live and let live. The Macy's corporation was thrilled with the huge sales that they were having at the store, and the egghead do-nothing psychiatrist that the ACLU lawyers forced on them was preoccupied with TAKAKK's insistence that he was Kris Kringle. I have to tell you that there are two types of crazy in this world and TAFAKK was definitely the lesser of both. I would say that I couldn't tolerate the know it all shrink for 3 minutes if I had to see him everyday.

He finally did it though when The Superdaddyman went to pick up Kris Kringle after work on the twentieth of December. Imtoocutus went along with him, and the two of them were in the lobby waiting for him to get out of another one of those infernal mental sessions. I heard about it all second hand, and I was shocked about it after the fact. The shrink came walking out yelling at TAFAKK about how Santa Claus doesn't exist and that is why he wasn't Santa Claus. Imtoocutus never being one to stay out of a fight or anyone's business started badgering the Psychiatrist about TAFAKK being the actual Santa Claus, until the shrink looked right at her and said, “Little girl it's unhealthy for you to be involved with such fantasy, and why don't you just grow up!”

Imtoocutus of course saw the opportunity to wreak real havoc on what was already a bad situation, and started bawling her eyes out. The Superdaddyman wasn't about to put up with this and went charging across the room only to get there a few seconds to late. It appears that Jolly Ol' Saint Nick could throw a mean roundhouse himself, and to make a long story short the shrink had 911 on the phone and TAFAKK in a paddy wagon faster than you could say “crybaby.” This meant that when Superdaddyman had come home from the police station, where bail was denied, he was not in a very happy mood. For that matter I wasn't in a happy mood either, since I couldn't see why anyone would create a situation like that stupid head shrinker did, but I was assured that he was fired that night, broken nose and all. This still couldn't end well as The Superdaddyman was ripping through internet sites looking for a way to get a legal degree overnight and represent TAFAKK in court the next day. I couldn't let this happen to either of them.

I spent the night running through Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and every other viral medium that I had at my disposal. I had created such a commotion in the chat rooms and message boards, that I think most of the organized free world was ready to defend Santa Claus against the secular legal system and while I was at it I made sure Dr. Egghead would never get a job again!Sure I wasn't all that keen on TAFAKK and his quest to be known as Santa Claus but at the same time I had made my belief known that he was a “good crazy” as apposed the the Kim Jong Il style crazy the shrink wanted everyone to think he was. One of my legal eagle friends had come up with a plot that was pure genius and all I had to do was get The Superdaddyman to leave me in charge of the witness list. As always I was in luck as he was still racking his brain trying to figure out the whole issue of how to recover the password he had just created a half hour ago to Duey Sooem and Howe's website.

It was a long weekend unfortunately and by the end of it TAFAKK was completely defeated. When I saw him in the courtroom he had the look of “Bubba's Bitch” all over his face, and was completely dejected. I ran over to give him a hug and there was no cheer in his face. My heart was breaking at the very sight of him, and what could I do to get him out of this state, and back to making Christmas a reality for all of the children that he had helped over the last month. He didn't say anything, and the shrink and the District Attorney were making a show trial out of a simple arraignment. The judge didn't look amused by the whole show dedicated to whether or not there actually was a Santa Claus or not. Myself, I could see his point. Who in their right mind would want to face the electorate after just ruling on whether or not there was a Santa Claus? I was starting to think that should I pull this off, I could save two souls today.

TAFAKK refused his invitation by the prosecution to take the stand and defend himself. This made the shrink feel rather smug, but it reflected heavy in the face of TAFAKK who just sat there looking completely dejected. I really couldn't blame him. The full weight of the city of Megalopolis was being thrown down on top of his head to determine if he was a crazy old fraud or not, and as he had muttered to me earlier, without those that believe in him, he lost the war. It was hard to not feel his pain, and in a way I really did wish that he was Santa Claus. Wouldn't you?

The prosecution rested feeling pretty good about themselves. In reality it was just the one witness, on behalf of the the prosecution and another that was there rather unwillingly. The shrink under no doubt, exclaimed how there is no Santa Claus, and that that meant TAFAKK was definitely not Santa Claus. The other was the manager of Macy's who sweated his way through a pile of badly framed questions, and then the Superdaddyman in his one fit of brilliance asked him the one question they had avoided, “Do you believe in Santa Claus?”

The entire courtroom had gotten quiet, as the manager of Macy's himself sat there fumbling through what obviously was a horrible situation for him. On the one hand, he could lie in court, and ruin his chance at freedom thanks to the whole perjury thing or he could tell the truth {or at least what I perceived as the truth} and have the entire shopping world consider him to have no faith in the man he had been using to create the greatest sales in the history of the store. I don't think anyone faced with such great peril could have gotten such a broad smile on his face when he stood up and proclaimed, “Of course I believe in Santa Claus! He's sitting right there!” and with great bravado he pointed at TAFAKK who looked up at him with a tear in his eye, and some of the color coming back into his face. The Superdaddyman had somehow lucked into breaking apart at least half of the prosecutions case. It was up to me to sink it all together.

The judge called The Superdaddyman up to the bench to present his witness list, and he resigned the obligation to me. I stood up and started dragging the several Staples Boxes that we had brought in with us. I handed a note to TAFAKK as I walked by that I had scribbled in the last few minutes as I saw the light almost come back into his face. I don't know if I really meant what I had wrote in it or not, but it seemed like the right thing to do. The judge looked down to see the 250 pounds of paper that I was, with great effort, trying to drag up to the bench with me, and then spoke up, “Young lady, how many witnesses do you plan on calling?” and after I had affirmed that it would be roughly 19 million, he then spoke out, “You do realize that every one of them has to be present since this is just an arraignment?”

I stopped screwing up my back and stretched up a bit to reply. “Your honor, they are all here,” and with that I pointed out the window. The judge who hadn't once looked out the window, turned really quickly to see that the “rent a mob” plan that I had executed the night before worked like a charm. He was staring out at every square foot of Megalopolis being filled elbow to elbow with at the very LEAST 19 million people holding up signs, ranging from “Free Santa” to “Leave My Santa Alone” and he turned back to me with a look of horror on his face. “Every last one of them is looking forward to taking the stand, and defending Kris Kringle as being THE Santa Claus and not just that there is a Santa Claus.”

TAFAKK looked up again with a little more light in his eyes, and then slowly opened the note I had handed to him which had inscribed on it, “I believe in you” and he stood up shouting “I have presents to deliver tonight!”

The judge took another look out the window and then back at Kris Kringle sitting before him. He waved his head back and forth a bit and then said, “Yes you do my friend,” and slammed the gavel down on the desk before stating “Case Dismissed” which echoed all the way to the crowd outside who let out a gigantic cheer that told the world Megalopolis that Christmas Eve was the largest city on Planet Earth! I quickly gave Kris a hug and started walking him outside to meet his adoring fans.

The news crews were everywhere and holding microphones up in his face as the millions upon millions that flooded the streets chanted “Santa Rocks! Santa Rocks!” which only died down when he held up his arms to silence everyone on the streets. He spoke into the PA system that was set up so all the news crews could get him at once, “I love you all, but tomorrow is Christmas! We all have a lot of work to do or children around the world will wake up to just another day! Christmas is NEVER just another day!” and the crowd went wild, but at the same time everyone in a very orderly fashion started filing out of the streets to enact upon the Santa Doctrine as it had been laid out by the big guy himself.

Kris had departed soon after that. He, of course had a ton of work to do if you really believed that he was old father Christmas, which I was still quite skeptical about. As I was sitting in the living room with all the evils's finishing off their gifts and proceeding to break all of them I noted that my mother had not called yet. Sure she was useless but the one thing I could count on was her waiting around before calling us so that she could act put upon because we didn't call her first. You can't explain to some people the difference between parents and kids, but I figured it out a long time ago. It's the other two that I get really upset for. Later that day when the phone rang and it was our mother, full of lies, full of excuses, and unapologetic about it all, I knew then that what I had asked of Kris Kringle was impossible, and perhaps a bit unfair. I knew that all along anyway. Still I like to think I learned a little something about human nature and decency, and I should appreciate that anyway.

This was when Superdaddyman handed me a note. He explained to me that Kris Kringle wanted him to give it to me after my mother called. I was at least happy that Kris didn't completely forget me, but it wasn't all that joyful. Of course like any card I opened it and shook it hoping money would fall out. RATS, no money, but there was a note which read, “Lazius Boycrazius, I didn't want to tell you the dirty little secret of being Santa Claus. I think you helped me prove it even if you didn't realize it. I can't change any 'person' unless they actually want to change,” I looked away from the note for a minute because I could feel the tears starting to well up. I didn't really want to hear that, because he had given me hope in the end. I continued on, “That doesn't mean I can't change the people that really want to. With that I must ask you to go and open the front door.”

I looked at the note again, and couldn't grasp why he wanted me to go to the front door, but Captain ADHD who was reading the note over my shoulder told me that I should go open the front door. Just to shut him up more than anything I walked over to the front door thinking to myself that this was stupid, and ripped the door open dramatically to make a statement, and found myself staring at the flat stomach of my boyfriend Prazius Boycrazius {enough with the short jokes already!} as I looked up to see his bewildered face because he was just about to knock on the door and missed he smiled and exclaimed, “Don't make me tell you about the sleigh that got me here because you'd never believe me!” ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Newsvive {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown - Number 2

It was an unusually long ride home. Between the screaming mini evils's and the new “guest” that the bleeding hearted Superdaddyman had agreed to let stay with us until Christmas eve, the Superdaddymobile was crammed. So now apparently the artist known as Kris Kringle {TAKAKK} is homeless. Who would have seen that coming, but oh noooo. We get to bring him home with us. I can't even fathom what he was thinking on this one, and that is saying something after 13 years of analyzing the Superdaddybrain! Perhaps he is hoping that Mr Thinkshe'sSantaClaus is THAT type of whacko and will finish us all off? I don't know and I don't care I at the very least had installed that Brinks system thanks to a raging case of creepy little brother and creepier little sister. I may just never come out of my cell!

Now of course perhaps he is bringing the Jolly Old Elf home to show the world that he could potentially have someone older than Greektradgedius Inyiddish in the house, or worse yet he is executing a hook up! I may never be able to get that image out of my head and I blame the Daddyman full on! The boy genius is still raving on about how he gets to share his room with Santa Claus. I couldn't even heal my hands with all the smacking around he truly needs. TAKAKK is doing the whole making his list and checking it twice thing. You'd think a guy dressed in red with an army of 3 foot tall slaves could get his own place for the next month, but then again I could always be out of that loop.

As I suspected Greektradgedius Inyiddish and TAKAKK got along famously. The fact that they remember the whole “Jesus on the Cross” thing might make Christmas a little more of a reminiscent holiday for them who knows? I held back from asking them the “Did George Washington actually get a spanking for chopping down the cherry tree?” question that had entered my mind and decided to retire to my cell. This is my happy place, since I can execute top secret communications {and then post them to Myspace and Facebook} and try to get a grasp on what is really going on with that TAKAKK guy.

The very next day was all it took for my little world to be wrecked up again, as I got a phone call from the Superdaddyman. He was prattling on about needing me to go out to Macy's and deal with issues for him because he was busy. I'm all for getting out of school and that, but what does going to Macy's have to do with anything and why is it his, or my problem? Ok never mind I forgot who I was talking too, and simply gathered up my gear to head into Macy's and check on a problem that probably involved a big crazy man that thinks he's Santa Claus. Never mind that I have no license, or that I am still a minor. Just run over to Macy's and deal with a whack job other than my jailor, does that sound sensible? Yeah I didn't think so either, but again it gets me out of school.

Macy's was a zoo! The line going around the corner was all on it's way to TAKAKK and he wasn't sitting on his throne up front. I thought I was going to have to bust ugly all over some of these single moms who were trying to accuse me of cutting in line. “Do I look like I desperately have to see Santa lady? Did you notice I forgot my kids? As a matter of fact I forgot to have them all together!” I refrained from telling her that if I were her I would have lived by my example, but I didn't have time to beat her behind and get to the bottom of this, and then get back to school for the cute teachers later in the day. My sacrifices are never taken into account now are they?

There was TAKAKK arguing with the store manager, and a few employees. All of them were telling him the way they saw things, and he was ignoring them and stating his own views. He seems to be every bit as stubborn as the Superdaddyman, which solves one of those questions I had had. The manager was just ranting at him, “You can't tell the customers to shop at other stores!” and then he reloaded, “It's your job to steer customers to OUR items for sale, what is wrong with you!” and I must admit that the conversation seemed rather sensible even if I was walking into it rather late.

“No you see that is where you are wrong sir!” came a booming voice from what was just yesterday a very kindly man with whiskers, “Christmas is about the children! If a child wants a toy that you don't have I will tell the parents where to get it, and if your price is the difference between getting a toy or getting two toys I will send them elsewhere!” and here I could only think that it was a great thing that the kids were so loud that they couldn't hear this. He went on of course, “My duty is first and foremost to the children and to try and support the parents that have scrimped all year just to be able to afford the gifts for them, and if you don't like it ...”

The answer to the “don't like it” question was left hanging as a woman walked over and tapped the manager on the shoulder. “Are you the manager here?” she said in a rather waning voice. Before the manager could even confirm she continued, “You see my husband was laid off for the holidays, and we were going to spend our last savings to get Johnny the Robbie Robot that he wanted,” the look on the managers face was disdained but the woman continued, “Well thanks to your Santa Claus we was able to get that robot over at Kay-Bee for half the price, and then came back here to get him some new clothes to go with it. I don't know what games you guys are pulling here but I like it,” her face broke into a big grin, “If Macy's cares about me then I care about Macy's. I'll be going home and calling all my friends and telling them that they owe it to themselves to come in here.”

The manager was flustered, but jabbled out a “Thank You” in great detail as the woman walked away. He glanced over at TAKAKK and said, “Well you have children to see, keep up the good work!” he then stopped him on his way and said “You wouldn't happen to have those price lists would you, I think every employee here should know these prices and adjust if we can or send the customers along to make room for the other customers.”

TAKAKK looked towards me as he said, “Sorry sir, they are all up here,” and with that he pointed at his head, “It's a gift that I have but I will work on a list tonight if you wish,” and after the manager agreed to it he was sent along to deal with the screaming children. He gave me one of those creepy old man winks as he walked by, and I was still perplexed as to why I was even here to witness this. Again I have learned not to question these things because Lord knows the narrator in all those stupid Superdaddyman stories never comes to me for editing advice.

Later that night after dinner I was taking the dishes from the dinner table and TAKAKK was still sitting there writing down his list of prices. Twelve years of public school had never put as much information in my head as was coming out of TAKAKK's and being put on paper. He had just about every toy ever made, and I pointed out to him that no child was going to be looking for an Atari 2600. He smiled and said, “Oh you never know, and look at that price anyway,” as I was thinking that there was a reason it was so cheap. Before I could even ask the question he went on, “It's my job to know where everything is and how to get it for the best price. The elves went union, and it's very hard to get them to produce like they used to so I need some help now and then.”

Oh the whacky old man. His own belief in the fantasy, was so overpowering that he could almost get me to go along with it. Thankfully I learned my way around a fantasy or two dealing with the guy downstairs downloading tons of it {even though he thinks we don't know} and of course the woman to whom my whole “gift” was based on. Her life crossed over into fantasy so long ago that I simply labeled it all “lies” and got on with my life. As nice of an old man, whiskers or not, I wouldn't give him Monaco odds on being able to install a clue in my mother. We are after all talking about a woman who lost her kids and still denies it. I tried to walk him back into the world of reality a bit since I am the patron evils's of lost causes, “You know if they really wanted to they could have their own people get these prices and you don't have to spend all of your free time writing them all down?”

He smiled at me the same way I have seen a lot of teachers do. That “silly little girl” smile has been the staple of my existence, but on him it wasn't so infuriating. “They couldn't even get their hands on most of these prices. A lot of them are forgotten about on the back shelves of places like Big Lots, and Odd Job Lots. See these here won't even be in BJ's until next week, but come Thursday at 9am they will be opening them on the floor and if I get parents there ..” he stopped short at my surprised look and then added, “It gets harder to disbelieve with time. It's the opposite of how hard it became too believe. I blame myself for not being there enough for you, but I'm here now.”

Holy creepy whackjobs Superdaddyman! I threw down my veil of skepticism quick enough to defend from this assault on my sensibilities. This is a nice old man with whiskers. Nothing more, and I have to deal with that, and he has to do whatever it is borderline insane old men do this time of the year. I don't have to play the game if I don't touch the dice. My racing mind was spared by the footsteps of someone coming up behind us. I barely had time to get my face into my hands when the voice of the Superdaddyman said, “Oh My God! An Atari 2600, and look at that price!” … To Be Continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Newsvive {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown - Number 3

It can be a cruel cruel world out there, but I have never fostered the belief that Santa Claus was real. Don't get me wrong, I think a fat man in a red suit promising Christmas Cheer and all that junk is nice, but keeping control of the two smaller factions of the Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} is hard work, and without my controlled form of “beat down” Captain ADHD alone would become too powerful for his own good. Now of course being the “muscle” behind our little slice of criminal nirvana alone but to have to deal with all that yammering, stammering from two lunatics within my own criminal organization just makes it all that much more difficult. In the end I just hit them with the “yeah yeah sure sure” when it comes to the whole Santa Claus thing and go about my hectic life of keeping track of actors, and happenings around the “Twilight” saga.

Now of course it was one of those silly work furloughs that The Superdaddyman carted us all off to New York to see something he called the greatest parade on earth, and he went on and on about having an “in” with the big guy. He talked about things like penguins and Secretaries of State who look good in skirts, and let's get real here, I plead the fifth when it comes to the inner workings of that guy. In the end it was a trip to New York City and more opportunity for me to end my career as “criminal muscle” and potentially start my career as “Robert Pattison” stalker extraordinaire. I merely needed to get this whole “watching balloons and talking to a fat guy in a Red Suit” stuff out of the way.

Now in all fairness, the giant Underdog, and Snoopy were pretty cool, the bands were a bit less annoying when you see them live, and as a late teenage Evils's I can always find the value in something centered around Macy's to be of pretty important value. Two hours of watching people march, and carry things does get old though. Serious facebook time has been wasted on all of this, and I haven't quite mastered the cell phone as a means of web communication, so the battery is dying from all the text messages of “I'm going to kill one of these twits,” without an end in sight. Nobody can quite get the smell of New York City without standing in it with a few million others, even on the day after Thanksgiving. I was nudged out of my half sleepy warbling by my captor {The Superdaddyman} as what appeared to be the end of this lunacy wandered towards us. There it was, off in the distance, a large float with the biggest, reddest man on it since Ted Kennedy was alive. Of course this one was standing and waving and smiling at everyone, which was a stark contrast to that other fat red elf.

The sheer humiliation of being related {but in denial} to the two little freaks bouncing around as if this was Santa himself, was insane. They smacked, poked, pushed, prodded, and harassed me the whole time about how Santa was on his way, and then assumed that from this they were finally in the promised land. I think perhaps the whole concept of “scare tactics” based on “Santa know if you've been bad or good” perhaps makes Kris Kringle a viable necessity, albeit total fiction or else these little bastards would have closets full of coal. Still furious that there wasn't a “Twilight Saga” float this year I counted my blessings that I could at least plot the biggest sequel to “Escape from New York” in the history of mankind, had it not been for that stupid Superdaddyman and his flagrant name dropping that was going to drag my unwilling victim ass, into Macy's to meet the fat guy himself. Heaven forbid that I ever get past the age of ten in any near future venue!

Watching the fake praise thrown at the feet of this Santa Claus was not even amusing after a while. Yeah I have to admit that he was charming, perhaps even personable. He was far better than the drunk they had last year, and in his own way the real whiskers was a nice touch. Kids were running all around him, and he was without a doubt very good at inter-idiot skills as he promised them everything from an X-Box 360 to Holidays named after them. That which he couldn't outright give them, he simply “moved” them into different things like that guy on “The Mentalist” and you gotta give him credit for that. The Superdaddyman was making the rounds and giving “shout outs” to his peeps, while I of course was stuck guarding the two smaller Evils's in the line. Unfortunately I was paying attention as the Fat Guy at the front of the line calling himself Kris Kringle with that Jonestown ferocity was faced with his first real Santafail moment, as the parents of a Croatian adopted refugee made it to the front of the line, apologizing profusely because the child couldn't speak English. I chuckled to myself as I waited for the grand Santafail, followed by my brilliantly executed “I told you so” rhetoric.

Unfortunately the rhetoric was put on hold as the man in the big red suit quickly hoisted her up on his lap and started speaking to her in something that sounded like Italian, but much harder to understand, “I što želite za Božić mali anđeo?” which was perplexing as the little girls face just lit up, and tears filled her eyes. She grabbed the Santa Claus {for lack of a better word} and started chirping in her own sweet little voice a mile a minute. They both conversed for quite a bit, and it was obvious that they both understood each other, so this really threw a wrench in my whole Santafail theory. The good news was that the other two Evils's driving me mental were too busy bothering each other to notice this, and I had plausible deniability. Of course the line that I was mired in with the other twits was getting smaller every minute, and that could pose some problems.

Seeing my little sister {I guess she's codenamed Imtoocutus} just blathering on and on and on about all the things that she wants, was torture. I mean any kid that asks Santa for clothes, and doesn't even apply any designers that she wants, is just plain weird. This was what she asked everyone for on her birthday, and they all just placated her, making me have to sit through a girl getting all excited over Wal-Mart and Target's latest fall fashions. Making wretching noises didn't change the tenor of it all, and I was forced to try and blame it on DNA issues as I am only 50% genetically related to the Eviltard. This also gives me an opportunity to rag on and on about that simpleton Superdaddyman who like totally gave her these genes. The color schemes she goes for as well, um .. let's just say we won't go there.

Then there was the whole Captain ADHD going on about how he really does need something called a Global thermonuclear incendiary device? Who the hell knows what one of those are but the Santa fraud sitting on the Santa throne seemed to know and was actively trying to talk him out of it. Needless to say if Captain ADHD wants one then there is a chance that anyone playing Santa would want to talk him out of it. On the other hand it isn't clothes so I would have to call him a bit more normal than the reject over there talking an angry looking elf's ear off. I think that the “diabolical one” as Superdaddyman would put it, was almost convinced that NERF makes some rather realistic thermoglobalthingymadingies, and was about to hop off of his lap. I was all for that because it would get us out of this line with the disease factories coughing all over me, but that wasn't going to be so easy now was it?

“And what do you want for Christmas young lady?” the non drunk more realistic than most Santa asked as he grabbed me by the arm. Hello? Can anyone here spell inappropriate touching? Well nobody is going to call me out for ruining Christmas for the mind numb robots and especially the ones that I have to live with, so I chose to not start screaming and beating him about the head. I did shoo the other two away so that I could have a “talk” with Santa. He added, “So what is your name young lady?”

“My name is Lazius Boycrazius and what is yours?” and he very cheerily pointed out that his name was Kris Kringle, and I chuckled a bit. The poor delusional old man didn't need me driving him over the edge so I simply said, “Well I'm not here to play the Santa game, I know that there is no such thing as Santa Claus, but you do seem to be a very nice old man with whiskers, and let's just leave it at that?”

His smile didn't break for a moment and he looked at me with a bit of comedy in his eyes. He started speaking in the usual patronizing voice but as he was with the little evils's was kind enough to at least get a bit of respect. “You haven't had it very easy, I imagine and somewhere along the way, you have lost faith in father Christmas I see?” his smile was after all infectious and I can see why the Macy's Santa makes the big bucks, “What can I do to restore your faith in me this year? I'm sure there is something you really want that only the REAL Santa Clause can give you?”

The man in the jolly red suit was patiently waiting as I eyeballed everyone staring at us. I couldn't crush everyone waiting in line and I couldn't hold UP the line any longer. I figured I would throw something out there rather snarky, and at the same time completely impossible, in the interest of “playing the game.” I cleared my throat and said, “Well if you really are the real Santa Clause then perhaps you could do the one thing that no man on planet Earth has done?” his face was alight with the challenge and my lips curled into a bit of an evil smirk, “You could give my mother a clue, instead of giving me anything at all. You could do it on behalf of my brother and sister, and give them the greatest Christmas of all?”

The light in his eye changed dramatically as he became somewhat somber. He didn't seem too out of sorts though as he stroked his beard, and considered what I had asked of him, “Well this one isn't going to be easy, and I can't make any promises, but I will do the best that I can,” he said with uncertainty in his voice. He looked up at me and asked, “This would restore your faith in father Christmas though, I have your word?”

Knowing full well that it is the impossible dream of even the most mind numb brother, I was perfectly safe in pledging my soul to Christmas itself as I nodded my agreement. I spoke up at that time saying, “If you can't I will still consider you just a nice old man with whiskers, but I sincerely doubt that even if you were Santa Claus you wouldn't be able to fix that,” I shot him a smile, and then added, “It's almost unfair of me to rest it all on that.”

He reached out and grabbed my hand to shake it, and his hand was unusually warm. He shook it up and down, and then said, “So it is up to Santa Claus to save the very spirit of Christmas in you, and I am up for the task. Nothing in this world is really that easy after all.” … to be continued

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Newsvive {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown - Number 4

Press Release December the 21, 2009 from the law-firm of Dewey Suem & Howe UnPC.

In reference to allegations founded and purposeful blocked in the case of The People v Kris Kringle or as it is codenamed “The Assault on Christianity: How Santa Clause Stole the Messiah” or “The Crucifixion Conspiracy”

We have been at a bit of stand still over the last couple of years as the elusive Kris Kringle {aka Santa Claus, aka Saint Nick, aka Father Christmas and lord knows how many other aliases} has managed to evade capture so that we can “question” him as to his whereabouts the night Jesus Christ had died. We've continued building our case {People v Kris Kringle} in hopes of clearing all Jews and Romans of unfair accusations in the arena of liability for the real death of the Christ. Despite the huge spin machine mounted by people such as “Mel Gibson”, and divisive hate documents such as “The Bible” we at the law-firm of Dewey Suem & Howe continue to rally the troops to understand the serious nature of the allegations we have brought to bear on Kris Kringle and Horatio Christ.

Now of course Horatio Christ has fallen completely off the radar over the years, and leads us to believe that he is probably deceased {wait until his dad get's a hold of HIM} there still appears to be many sightings of Santa Claus being reported all across the nation and often in other countries as well. Our plot to ravage the earth with massive quantities of carbon dioxide has yet to flush him out of the north pole, but in his brazen lack of conscience he still seems to flout himself around and always on and around Jesus's birthday! To think that he would be such a negative power of example to good dietary habits and so disrespectful that he would only be seen on the very season of the man he murdered, but to bribe all the children with toys to boot. Red suit! Redistribution of wealth! It can only mean communism!

As the case against “The Claus” mounts we find a much more disturbing trend following along. Most of the hard core communists throughout history were privy to the murder of many millions of Christians in an attempt to control the minds of the common man. Here we have conclusive evidence that this Jolly old fat man, runs around blatantly displaying his Marxist on Crack agenda and started it out by killing the very SYMBOL of Christianity! I mean people come on here! A simple jealous rage because of the amount of songs that you and the other symbol of Christmas have dedicated to you has now blown so out of proportion that it is promoting the very enslavement of entire nations of people. We here are not about to sit back and allow this to happen. You can of course thank us later when we have successfully saved the world!

This is where it gets a little sketchy unfortunately, as we have been working so hard to track the fugitive down. Apparently he has been using something called “The Harry Potter” defense to keep us from apprehending him once and for all. We had noticed a disturbing trend when we went to a local Mall sighting of this diabolical, yet elusive criminal. Upon apprehending Kris Kringle {sitting in a throne and acting all holier than thou to boot} and being assaulted by many of the poor children he was in the process of indoctrinating we got the first sign of this diabolical scheme. The apprehended “victim” {or so he says} was spouting the usual murderous venom we usually get when we track down fugitives, and his fake beard fell off. The plot thickened quite dramatically from there. Upon apprehension of many Kris Kringle look-a-likes over the last weeks we discovered that there were much more of them. A simple “beard test” worked on most of them but was thwarted by many that were so entrenched in the “lie” that they had gone as far as to grow real beards. Of course we gave extra tugs and in many cases “swung them around” by their beards, and to no avail, they must be true believers.

Apparently many of the “followers” of “The Claus” aren't really elves either! This new revelation was equally as disturbing as the strip searches of said “elves” unfortunately yielded a bevy of sexual harassment suits due to the fact that many of these elves were female. We are hoping that many of these issues can be settled out of court but who knows? The monkey wrench that such legal actions throws into our efforts to apprehend Kris Kringle and bring him to justice could potentially make it impossible to reach the perpetrator before his usual disappearance just after Christmas. Of course these types of legalities always thwart a thorough investigation so we shall simply carry on as if this conspiracy never existed.

Never fear any of you out there who are as concerned as we are that justice is served in these regards. We received both of the letters of encouragement that were sent to us, and your support means the world to us, as we deal with the thousands of hate letters that we receive from obvious Santa sympathizers. We will not allow this travesty to the very reason for this holiday {well aside from all the other ones} to be disgraced by the willful take over of the very unmentionable that stole the figurehead of the Christmas movement!

Yours always in fighting the good fight ..

The law-firm of Dewey Suem & Howe UnPC

{not legally supported in a few states and outlying territories including but not limited to Alabama, Alaska, American Samoa, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Guam, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Northern Marianas Islands, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Virgin Islands, Washington, West Virginia ,Wisconsin, Wyoming} ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Newsvive {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009

The Jeremy Crow Christmas Countdown - Number 5

All appears to be well in the streets of Megalopolis all alight with the many trappings of Christmas, but this too shall and always will pass. There is always the potential for great evil throughout the streets and for that we are always at great peril! Never fear oh followers of Ho Ho Ho and all the other great things that the street of Megalopolis affords you, there is always the one, the Caped Pervader, the man with absolutely NO plan, the guardian of all from The Terrorist Organization Known as the Evils's {TOKE} why YES, I am talking about The Superdaddyman! In this episode he is patrolling the hallowed halls of the great American Institution known as Wal-Mart in an attempt to procure the offerings necessary to keep TOKE and their hoards of evil minions at bay! The fact that frantic little business skirted maidens are also roaming the hallowed halls in a frenzy to procure their own offerings is irrelevant, but an excellent diversion from time to time.

Of course there is nothing more harrowing than attempting to fight off several dozen evil snow birds in an attempt to lay hands on that last Nintendo Wii {aside from not having the lovely business skirted maidens to .. um .. examine} but as all of you know The Superdaddyman is relentless in his pursuits! Again that brings us to the business skirts, but that is a tale for a different blog, we are talking about the life or death struggle between good and evil here! Not to mention that QVC can always be watched later should the Superdaddyman truly need to get his “perv” on. Keeping this in mind, our stunning {hey, be nice} young {write your own blog damnit!} super villain turned super hero finds himself nearly swarmed under by a swarm of frenzied young maidens {not cuz he's the ever lovable daddyman but because he is blocking the display to the Zhu Zhu Pets} but recovers quite fashionably with hardly any slaps while attempting to .. um .. balance himself .. yeah that works!

That last ditched effort to get to the Nintendo Wii {all in the name of saving the world donchaknow} the Superdaddyman again was thwarted by a new evil that has unveiled itself in Megalopolis! Many fall to the awe inspiring might of the Superdaddyman, but there is always someone to come along and raise that mantle now isn't there? This one secretly code named “Bitchy Old Lady} {BOL} hobbled off with the last $189 Nintendo Wii leaving the Superdaddyman to stare aimlessly at the pile of untouched $299 X-Box 360s. Leave it to the evil Billgatus of Borg {BOB .. Not to be confused with the “other” superhero to many of the fair maidens} to charge more money for something that sucks! Of course if it were an Apple product it would be $799 and old within a year, so we digress and get back to the point. It is now a matter of life or death that the Superdaddyman start on his newest Quest! Thus the saga begins with “Operation Get the Nintendo Wii or else the Rotten Little Bastards Will Start with the Whole Our Mom Who Never Does Shit for Us Loves Us More Talk Until Next Christmas” {OGN .. um .. W .. E .. Damnit! .. THEPLAN!}

Now this isn't something that The Superdaddyman takes lightly! There are many factions in the world of “Get The Daddyman!” {GTD} who are always there to make sure that evil people {Like the Penguins Yanno?} get there small albeit few victories over our beloved Hero! Many a consideration must go into OGD .. um ..THEPLAN not the least of which is the global conspiracy between Fed-Ex and UPS to make sure that all top secret material {porn movies, cigars, Victoria's Secret catalogs .. um .. Nevermind} gets to the Superdaddycave, late, damaged all to crap, and in best case scenerio not at all. Heaven forbid that a simple house address be so misconstrued because the stupid street that the Superdaddyman hides out on goes through 2 cities and shipping GPS don't do Zip Codes or anything. This of course leaves the Superdaddyman forced to check other super secret “retail locations” {many during non smoking hot business skirt hours .. damn!} to try and procure the goods!

Onward to the enemy empire {K-Mart} the Superdaddyman trudges. Unfortunately for all involved K-Mart is far less appealing to a hero of The Superdaddyman's mad skills {no business skirts and no fair maiden's at all, aka, a waste of a good social appearance} and more over they didn't even appear to stock the top secret Evils's indoctrination devices that The Superdaddyman was looking for anyway! The same thing happened at the local Sears location. The Sears location was even more disappointing as it had zero women to gawk at .. um .. observe, and apparently had given up on marketing to the fairer sex altogether. Then again the lack of Superdaddyman's partner in crime at the door {Yanno, the guy with the big red suit waving a bell with a bucket} really did more to depress The Superdaddyman, despite the fact that it saved him a dollar. This was when the little light bulb came on over The Superdaddyman's head {it's a very scary sight actually} and he remembered that there was the ultimate of evil empire's on the other side of town. The Target {pronounced Tar-Zay to reflect the lack of white trash that The Superdaddyman likes to represent in the fight of good v evil esq.} where the Superdaddyman could go and try to negotiate without seeing the inside of everyone's nostrils as they stare at the ceiling.

On a somewhat brighter note, the Tar-Zay was filled with plenty of fair maidens {despite looking up from their legs and seeing the inside of nostrils} and the Superdaddyman figured that he could work with this. Unfortunately all of the time that the Caped Pervader was looking around elsewhere {and the grand tour to check out all the 100k housewives in the Tar-Gay itself} had weakened his position on procuring the top secret alienation device he had come for. The Nintendo Wii display sat bare. Right next to it was the Sony Playstation 3 display chock full of $300 Playstations that everyone tells him are at best an over-rated Blue Ray disc player. On the other side was the nearly full $300 X-Box 360 system display. Operation Get the Daddyman {OGD] appears to be working wonderfully!

Disheveled and nearly beaten beaten our favorite super villain turned super hero decided that the best thing to do was go next door to the Shaws Supermarket and hopefully find solace in getting football goodies, and perhaps partaking in fleeting glances at more of Megalopolis's fair maidens. There is always that X-Box 360 over at the Wal-Mart that can be an ace in the hole for a last minute effort to thwart evils's! Shaws is a wonderful ally {enabler} to many of the Superdaddyman's favorite deadly sins {gluttony in particular} so he was at least pleasantly surprised to find not only the pepperoni, and triscuits on sale but the extra sharp cheddar as well! They do after all have spies all over Megalopolis to trace the mood of the only defender against the war of TOKE! That was when he saw the display in the middle of the isle that nobody was paying attention to. Sitting right there for no other reason than the fact that they had them was a pile of micro laptops in a rainbow of colors!

Being almost as much dork as he is perv, the Superdaddyman swooped in on these laptops that were advertised as $249 each or $99 dollars with the “Cheap but we spam the shit out of you card” and the Superdaddyman being a huge fan of “cheap” and sometimes “spam” {especially if it is for those leg porn sites} decided to go fill out an application for the “Savings Card” and see what the fair maiden at the courtesy desk looks like. One out of two wasn't bad, but as he was leaving the local Shaw's with everything needed for a tummy ache and three separate color coordinated Christmas gifts. The Superdaddyman thinks to himself .. What a Wonderful World ;8o)

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2005 - 2009 & Beyond

Blaming Religion and Other Rights We Have

Once again I see the vitriol and it's Ben Nelson's turn to get it all thrown down on him. I can see that feeling of being trapped in our own bad decisions that everyone seems to have going on right now, but again it shows the reason why America is getting a socialist government imposed upon them these days. The attitudes that people have right now really scares me, since I know at least 1 out of 20 of the people that are hating all over Ben Nelson {as they had all over Joe Lieberman} probably haven't said more than a passing word about their own Senator who also is probably out to get them. Ben Nelson isn't who I am mad at in all of this in any regards because despite the fact that his state as a whole is against Healthcare Reform, the people that pay his way to Congress every six years are completely for it, as long as it "appears" that they made a statement about abortion. I can guarantee you that the moment the Nebraska Catholic associations that fill his war chest gave him the nod, he called his press conference with Harry Reid.

Now of course I am going to do my usual rips on Catholics as a voting block, but I do want to say that I know Catholics who don't think the way the group as a whole does. Comparatively tho I don't know all that many, so I still remind the general electorate that all organizations can create a false display if you allow them to. In this part of the country Catholics as a whole will talk up the whole Pro-Life issue, vote for Pro-Choice candidates, and at the same time talk about how being against the death penalty is more important than Pro-Life rhetoric. Mercy only goes so far with me, and accepting the death of the innocent over the death of the guilty almost always creates ripples of condemnation in me that are hard to overcome at times. I don't need to have the whole Ben Nelson flip flop explained to me because I am surrounded by it daily. I also don't blame him for buttering the bread of his electorate, and not just following the lead of his leadership.

With all that said, it's the real reason I am so near completely secular in my attitude. Most religious voting blocks are completely full of crap anyway. Historically speaking most of the United States religious voting groups are completely mis-labeled at best, and at worst are purposefully done so to create spin. I have some Jewish friends that hate having to admit they are Jewish more because of political hypocrisy than any sort of anti-antisemitism. You can imagine that anyone who is associated with me wouldn't much care what people think of them, but the very slight Hebrew right wing can't even tolerate the fact that their religion has been indoctrinated into some of the worst antisemitic liberals in the country. They always remind me not to take any of their politics too seriously because it's insanity-speech to do so. Being Pro-Israel is practically a banishing offense in the New York City Hebrew community, so that would tell you something.

Now both of these groups I imagine have to put up with all of the religious hate-speak that gets piled on the Baptists and the Evangelicals, thanks to the overly secular need to smash institutions that would preach morality. This was completely over-blown as all of the Gay activism groups singled out the Mormon community for being against Gay Marriage in California. This was a classic example of "bait and switch" as the Gay activists {like most activists} are secretly made up of cowards. It was my black friends on the left coast that brought this little gem to my attention, but while the Gay activists created havoc with their marches and rallies against Mormons, it wasn't the Mormons that sunk Gay Marriage in California. Quite to the contrary, because the Mormon voter block not only doesn't make up that much of the population but in most cases they are a polarizing influence on people that pay attention to these things. More people might have voted FOR Gay marriage just because they hate Mormons, but there was a HUGE voting block energized to go vote for The Obama, that don't pay much attention to everything else and was completely against Gay marriage and might not have been there otherwise. The black community.

Now as the black community in California was out there voting for The Obama in force, they were uninformed as to whether hating Mormons or hating Gays was the liberal flavor of the week so they naturally went with what they hated from birth. I think the last polling information went along the lines of over 90% of black America vote against Gay marriage anywhere it is tried. Now THAT is a serious voting dynamic that the Mormons couldn't touch, and it was the MAJOR reason that Gay Marriage went down in California. The cowardice of the Gay activists as they not only don't have the gumption to bring this up at all, but also don't have the courage to march against the ACTUAL voting block that stood against them in force is laughable. You couldn't even imagine these people marching through the streets of Compton or Oakland and bemoaning the "hate" that gets piled on them. It doesn't take a college professor to understand why either. Let's keep in mind that you are reading the words of a conservative ordained minister who supports Gay Marriage so don't go there.

I personally would never put up with any preaching of politics from the altar. I can understand how people would get upset about that, but in general it happens a hell of a lot less than people would have you believe. I do support certain religions enforcing their own policies though. The whole pile of dung being brought up about Patrick Kennedy not being allowed to take communion {or the Catholics in general saying he shouldn't} at best is amusing and not indicative of any actual policy that that church holds. Catholics always create some sort of stunt, now and again to make themselves look more conservative in nature. 98% of that very congregation will be clamoring to send money and support to Patches, as he fights the good fight for such Catholic ideals as abortion, welfare, victimization, rapists rights, hate speech towards other forms of Christianity, and a myriad of other violations of the 7 deadly sins. Am I a bad person for painting with such a broad brush? Yes definitely, but I would rather be a realist than a hapless optimist with my head up my butt any day ;8oD

Other Crap This Weirdo Publishes... The Crow's Nest {The Homepage of Jeremy Crow} Mental Notes & Random Musings {Daily Blog} Mental Rants & Political Rage {For Those That Like His Political Rantings} Mental Imagry & Random Perversion {Adult Stories .. Assume they are rated X} Itching For Coffee {Community Blog} Jeremy Crow on Twitter {For The Easily Amused} Blogaholics Anonymous {E-Mail Blogging Group} Nothing that was printed here was intended to offend anyone, and if it did, screw ya, you begged for it. If you believe that there are some measures that can be taken to change me, then please feel free to pray for me, and while you are at it yourself, because you read this far, and if you hated every minute of it, then you are an idiot, not me, or the other people who like what I have to say! .. Jeremy Want More Free Art? ...Visit the new angelis deZines on the web at jeremycrow4life.com/angelisdezines All writings Copyright © 2009 & Beyond The Crows Nest